Post-Election Commentary

Some of you may wonder why or how I'm doing my post-election commentary five days before the election takes place. It's because I can travel through time. It's a nifty little trick I can do. I try to save it for special occasions like elections and events that offer free cake, though.

So as of November 21st--I went a little further ahead to get a good sense of how the election changed things--the United States is completely destroyed. I'm talking wasteland, burning rubble, nuclear fallout. I couldn't tell whether this was the wrath-of-God apocalypse or the let's-get-drunk-and-shoot-nukes-at-each-other apocalypse, but either way it didn't look good.

To really take in this post-apocalyptic landscape, I rented a Honda Incite (hybrid cars are better for the environment, after all) and drove around for a while. Saw a few mutants, a few naked people, and a few people with shotguns, so apparently not that much had changed. That put me at ease.

I wish I could tell you whether the Democrats or Republicans won the election so we can avoid this mildly dark vision of the future, but I have no idea. We're probably doomed either way. At least we'll be armed, mutated, or naked, right?