Business is for the Humans

When I was a kid, my parents would overhear the human parents tell their kids not to feed the animals. Most often they would say, "Don't feed the bears." For a long time, I thought they were idiots. I was worried the bears would die. (Thankfully, somebody fed them, but I learned later that bears die whether you feed them are not. So it is for all non-dolphin animals.) Anyway, today I learned why parents had to warn their children: because bears will become mad with hunger, open a sandwich business, and run it into the ground.

I meant to go to the Bear Rock Cafe today, as the bears' wares looked quite delicious whenever I would walk by. Unfortunately, the Bear Rock Cafe closed over a month ago, leaving me no choice for lunch but the greasy beef monstrosities that I eat every day.

Many people have confirmed to me that Bear Rock is indeed delicious, and the restaurant was full whenever I saw it. How could it go out of business? Knowing what I do about bears, it was probably a combination of the following: the bears who were running it ate most of their ingredients at great financial loss, the sandwich market was already fully saturated, the bears did not have enough fingers to be taken seriously in the human business world, and the insurance costs were unmanagable.

I can't wait to see one of those bears homeless on the street. I gonna punch him right in the nose and see if he tries something.