The Century

Today I started to wonder what it will be like when I turn 100. I'm pretty sure no dolphin has ever done that before, but I'm sure I will. You see, I discovered a little something called "the fountain of youth." You may know it by its more popular name, mescaline. No, just kidding. Drugs are bad, as I say much more eloquently in my book.

But anyway, being 100. I wonder how well my cartilige will hold up. Will I lose my dorsal fin? And apparently old people get really hairy, so I'll have one of those old-man beards, all long and white and scraggly. And I'd have to get a straw hat and lose all my teeth and go around with a banjo. (It's no coincidence that my image of my 100-year-old self is the same as a hillbilly self. It's scientifically proven that the older a dolphin gets, the closer that dolphin tends toward hillbilliness, as illustrated by the graph below.)



You know how most people make a list of things they want to do before they die? I decided to make a list of things to do after I die. Then I more practically decided to make a list of things to do after I turn 100. Number one is sky-diving, and number two is win a hot-dog-eating contest. That's all I have so far.