I went for a run this morning around one of this city's beautiful lakes, and I was kidnapped again. It's getting to be really dangerous to be a dolphin in public. I've been kidnapped approximately 40% of the times that I've been in public places. What's the deal, America?
Fortunately, this kidnapping was easy to get out of. I told them that I was Flipper, and they were really impressed. We joked around for a while, and then they let me go. Apparently one of them was my friend on facebook. See, that website is good for something.
Still, I can't believe this epidemic of dolphin-nappings. Are people that desperate for dolphins these days? Wouldn't they rather have a dog or an otter or something? Unless dolphins are in high demand on the black market, but even then I think you'd be better off with an otter.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
War, What Is It Good For?
I don't know how many people watched the President's speech last night. I know I didn't. I also know that I didn't read about it today, and unless there's something about it in the sports page or the comics, I shall remain blissfully ignorant.
However, I believe it is my civic duty to offer my opinion. After all, that's why I have this blog. It's my civic duty.
The president is once again heading down the wrong track. Doesn't he remember that we won the war in Iraq? He said so himself like three or four years ago. It's time we move on to the real enemy: France. No, sorry, I mean Poland. Definitely Poland.
I know it's not popular to say that Hitler had the right idea, and because I want to be popular, I'm not saying that. But Hitler saw one thing clearly: the Polish soccer team and textiles industry pose a significant threat to any nation seeking world domination. So if America really wants to wrap its greasy fist around our corpulent globe, it must begin with Poland.
I won't support mobilizing more troops, though. The Polish soccer team is too well armed for a ground invasion. We need send in some robots. The Polish are especially weak against robots, I hear. Drop a couple Furbies down there, and we'll have that country subjugated in two weeks.
More importantly, Poland will serve as the perfect staging point for taking the rest of the world. It's location provides direct access to both the South American and African coasts, and it's within 100 kilometers of at least six Snickers factories.
I wish I had a candy bar right now. Oh, I do have one. Sweet.
I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
However, I believe it is my civic duty to offer my opinion. After all, that's why I have this blog. It's my civic duty.
The president is once again heading down the wrong track. Doesn't he remember that we won the war in Iraq? He said so himself like three or four years ago. It's time we move on to the real enemy: France. No, sorry, I mean Poland. Definitely Poland.
I know it's not popular to say that Hitler had the right idea, and because I want to be popular, I'm not saying that. But Hitler saw one thing clearly: the Polish soccer team and textiles industry pose a significant threat to any nation seeking world domination. So if America really wants to wrap its greasy fist around our corpulent globe, it must begin with Poland.
I won't support mobilizing more troops, though. The Polish soccer team is too well armed for a ground invasion. We need send in some robots. The Polish are especially weak against robots, I hear. Drop a couple Furbies down there, and we'll have that country subjugated in two weeks.
More importantly, Poland will serve as the perfect staging point for taking the rest of the world. It's location provides direct access to both the South American and African coasts, and it's within 100 kilometers of at least six Snickers factories.
I wish I had a candy bar right now. Oh, I do have one. Sweet.
I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
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