Flipper's Mailbag, Episode 1

Your response to the mailbag was overwhelming. I got three letters! That means, assuming I make this a weekly event, I'll have three whole weeks of questions to answer! YES!

So question number one comes from someone with the initial "J." "J" writes:
Can you explain the 5 tenants of Calvinism?

While I could be a jerk and answer simply, "Yes I can," I will instead explain them. However, I don't know anything about anything about Calvinism, so I'm going to stick with my trademark smart-assery.

The 5 Tenets of Calvin-and-Hobbesism
1. Tigers are Awesome
In the Calvin and Hobbes world, the Tiger is second only to the Boy. The Tiger provides wise counsel, witty and sarcastic comments, and a wondrous existence (also known as the 3 Ws, or the Trinity). In a sense the Tiger is our guide in our new life.

2. Ugly and Annoying Are the Girls
There's no room for girls if you're a follower of Calivn and Hobbes. They can be tempting, but you must remember that it is much better to chuck snowballs at them or make fun of them.

3. Lawyers? Not Likely.
We are not going to be lawyers when we grow up. End of story.

4. Imagination is How to Live
Let's face it, the real world both sucks and is boring. We need to use our imaginations if we're ever going to survive. This means cloning machines, dinosaur worlds, space battles, and such and such. Without them, we're nothing.

5. Parents Are Evil but Necessary
We all know that parents are the bane of our existence. They try to feed us vegetables and get us to bed at a reasonable time, and it probably violates some major human rights. On the other hand, they save us from monsters under the bed, so we have to compromise.

(NOTE: I actually did some research--gasp--but I could not determine whether or not it was the five "tenets" or "tenants." This is probably where a dolphin's understanding of the English language will get us nowhere.)


Send in your questions to flippersmailbag@gmail.com!