Merry Christmas, Bipeds!

Christmas is now only 5-6 days away. That's exciting. Well, at least part of it is exciting, and that part is the presents! I didn't have anybody to get presents for this year (thank you very much, tuna industry and oppressive Hollywood regime), so I'm going to give recommendations for your family members.

Your dad: He probably likes tools, right? But I bet he has all the tools he needs. Or so you think! Get him a giant inflatable hammer! It's fun and useful, and he can deflate it and keep in his toolbox!

Your mom: Haha, "your mom." But seriously, there's tons of stuff you can get for the kitchen. Plates, bowls, spices, mixing thingies. It really depends on the meals you want her to make for you.

Your older brother: Brothers are usually easy to buy for, but the presents for them should work on multiple levels. That's why I suggest an exploding cake. Level one: yummy-looking cake--he'll like that. Level two: explosion--funny. Level three: face covered in cake--even more funny. Level four: eating cake off his face--delicious.

Your younger sister: Dolls and ponies are cliche, so you'll have to be really unique to get by for your sister. Get away from the "safe" ideas and put yourself out on a limb with a pet rat. They're clean and talented just like your sister is! For added gift fun, let it loose in the house ahead of time and tell her she has to find her present!


And if you don't have anyone to buy for, feel free to visit My Amazon.com Wish List and pick up something for your favorite celebrity dolphin (me).

The Only Election That Matters

That's right, the first AP Poll for the 2006-2007 NCAA Men's Basketball season is out at last! Let's take a looksie.

1. Florida - They held onto most of the guys who brought them the championship last year, so they'll probably be in the Top 10 for the season. They've got what might be a tough schedule, though, unlike last year's road to the championship.
2. North Carolina - A young team last year, maybe now they're mature enough? Probably not. They could still finish on the top of the ACC, though.
3. Kansas - Another young team, they don't have a single Senior on their roster. But they played really well for young team last year, now that they've played together a while, they might have a chance.
4. Pittsburgh - Pitt tends to surprise by being better than expected or worse than expected. I expect them to be unranked by the end of the season, so they'll probably finish in the Top 5.
5. LSU - They lost Big Baby, so I don't see them holding onto this spot for long.
6. UCLA - They made it to the championship game, and they crumbled. But they're a big team, and big teams can push people
7. Ohio St. - No team rocks football and basketball in the same year.
8. Georgetown - Flipper's guarantee: two Hoyas will have been arrested by season's end.
9. Wisconsin - With Taylor and Tucker finally seniors, the Badgers pose a threat.
10. Arizona - Why does everybody like Arizona so much?
11. Alabama - Alabama always--always--ruins my brackets. I hate them.
12. Duke - Token rank. I don't think Duke has been unranked in the first poll ever.
13. Texas A&M - A&M? What does the M stand for? Mmmmmterrible?
14. Memphis - I keep thinking this refers to their NBA team. Which would be ranked about here in the college poll.
15. Boston College - Jesuit schools have gumption. They'll go far.
16. Marquette - See above comment about Jesuit schools.
17. Washington - Like the president? I thought he was dead.
18. Connecticut - Does anybody still play for this team? Six of their five starters were drafted last year.
19. Creighton - I don't get it.
20. Syracuse - Melo's totally going to get them another championship. I don't care that he's not on their team anymore; he can do it.
21. Texas - The twitch in my dorsal fin tells me these guys should be higher up, but my brain tells me they won't win more than 18 games this year.
22. Kentucky - Kentucky is one place I never want to think about.
23. Georgia Tech - These guys are my sentimental favorite for no reason whatsoever.
24. Nevada - If they end up with anything higher than an 8 seed in the tourney, I will be surprised. Not spit water out my blowhole surprised but surprised.
25. Tennessee - When has this team not been a disappointment to everyone paying attention? Also dangerously close to Kentucky.

I Like Things

I realize that I tend to talk about things that I resent on this blog, and there's very little about things I enjoy. Today, I'll try to reverse that trend.

I like frisbee.

I like rabbits.

I like Mt. Rushmore.

I like George Harrison.

I like flying kites.

Wait, I don't really like frisbee that much.

I like tuna.

Wait, no, I don't like tuna either.

I guess that's it.

Insomnia and the Breaking News

I can't sleep. My total sleepless time is now...actually, I can't figure out how many hours it's been. But I'm really freaking tired.

People seem to have this idea that fish don't sleep. This is not true. I've known a few fish really well, and they sleep a lot. They're good at it, too. Sometimes they're asleep even when their eyes are wide open. Sea mammals, on the other hand, have to close their eyes to sleep. I don't remember exactly what that had to do with what I was saying. I'm so tired right now.

But there was something else I was going to say. People are starting to abuse my mailbag. Both Scott McClellan and Princess Juliana somehow got my email address and sent me messages about lowering my mortgage and saving someone with cancer or something. I would like to point out that neither of these emails were questions, and I will not stand mockery. I served my country. I have my dignity. And whether or not those last two statements are true, spam sucks.

I was going to explain why it's impossible for me to blog without sleep, but I can't remember how it's possible for me to blog in the first place. These fins make typing cumbersome. This entry took me 12 hours to write.

Flipper's Mailbag, Part 2

Today's letter comes from Christine. She writes,

Do you have any plans to write a children's book anytime soon?

Why the hate?,
Christine

I'm not used to answering two questions at once, but I'll try. The first question will be labeled "1," and the second will be labeled "2."

1. No.
2. What hate?

Thanks for writing!


Send in your questions to flippersmailbag@gmail.com!